By Doc Love
This week's question comes from a guy who is stuck on his girl despite her philandering ways and her unwillingness to work it out.
I am a dedicated follower of “The System.” I even have your advanced dating techniques series and have been marketing this stuff to my friends here in Egypt. My success with women has more than tripled over the past couple of years as a result.
she was full of drama early on
Everything was going really well until that fateful day when I met Skyler. She lives two hours from me, and we’ve been dating for around three months. Initially, she had an extremely high Interest Level in me because I was a Challenge and never gave her what she wanted. I was indifferent to any drama she tried to create, which drove her over the edge. She tossed a few curveballs my way, but I’d always back off whenever she threw any sort of tantrum. She’d always apologize later for whatever she did.
Two weeks ago, Skyler traveled to Europe for 10 days. Before she left she told me she was falling for me; I told her I also felt something. Let me add that she was always saying things such as “I miss you” and “I really like your character” and “I like the way you deal with things.” When she was gone, she texted me saying she missed me and wanted to be with me, to which I’d respond with a smile or something extremely funny.
A few days into her trip she got upset because I hadn’t called her. We got into an argument online and she said I didn’t care about her because I don’t make the effort. I didn’t want to argue and she said she didn’t have time to stay online; I was upset that she would leave like that, and I let her know it.
The next day we worked everything out over the phone (because I’m stuck on her), and she said she really missed me, needed me and that she couldn’t wait to see me when she got back. But a of couple days later she told me she had kissed someone when she was out on the town. I told her this didn’t work for me and that I needed time to think about things. I told her I was considering walking away because she took the risk of losing me by kissing someone else. Of course, she gave me the “it meant nothing” speech.
the inconvenient truth
I didn’t speak to Skyler for a few days or reply to her constant “I miss you and feel like crap for what I did” texts. She called to say she was sorry, and I told her it was up to her to make the effort to get me back. She said she would come see me over the weekend. Well, the weekend is here and she’s trying to get me to go see her because it’s inconvenient for her to come to me as she has no place to stay and does not want to spend money on a hotel. So far I’ve stood my ground. She said that she felt bad for letting me down and that I have the right to end the relationship.
Doc, is it over? Should I have gone to see her? I have never felt like this about any woman; I’m stuck on her. I am usually a short-term kind of guy. I am in and out quickly and I always leave first. It’s different with Skyler and I wanted it to be long-term. I am confused and terribly upset.
Abdul - who’s still stuck on her
doc love’s answer
Let me ask you a question: When Skyler would come back to you and apologize for what she did, did you ever tell her to get lost for a week or 10 days? And if not, why didn’t you do this? Because what’s happening here is that she apologizes for her outrageous behavior and then everything is forgotten. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says: “When you rob a bank, the judge doesn’t say: ‘well, just don’t do it again,’ does he?” No, you have to go to prison. So where’s Skyler’s punishment? You should have told her: “Get back to me in 10 days and maybe we’ll go out.” Because as it is now, she knows she can just apologize whenever she throws a hissy fit and she’s right back in with no penalty. And one more thing: You’re overlooking a huge red flag here -- this girl is a drama queen who throws fits. Do you really want to live with that kind of turmoil for the rest of your life?
i want action tonight
Why did you tell this girl you felt something for her? Are you sure you read my course materials? You shouldn’t tell her anything. You tell me that you’re a dedicated follower of my principles, but then you go and reveal yourself. If you’ve studied my course, you would know that you never come on heavily verbally. You communicate through your actions how you feel. So why are you yapping about your feelings, pal?
Skyler should be telling you all kinds of great stuff about yourself. It shows her Interest Level is high. However, that doesn’t mean you have to come back and say I miss you and, thereby, kill Challenge. But it’s good you respond with something funny when she says she misses you. It shows you’re doing something right.
men are silent creatures
But you’re not doing enough right. You shouldn’t have let this girl know you were upset with her. You should have just dropped her. Or, tell her that if she ever decides to stop acting like a baby to give you a call in 30 days. Then she won’t call and you’ll be out.
Now, let me get this straight: Skyler went on the attack and the very next day you forgave her just like that? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “Why wasn’t she put on probation?” When she did that, you shouldn’t have seen her for two or three weeks -- minimum. The only way you’re going to break this babe’s bad habits is by staying away from her. To you Psych majors: If you just accept “Sorry!” every time she does something wrong, she’ll never change her bad behavior.
When Skyler told you she kissed another guy, you should have just listened and said: “Oh, that’s cool. And by the way, do me a big favor -- forget my name and forget my phone number.” And that should have been the end of it. When she pulls something like that, there can be no more talking, no more reasoning, no more going back and forth. She kissed another guy -- that’s all you need to know. This woman is not loyal. Loyalty is the No. 1 character trait you need in a woman. And if kissing this other dude meant nothing, how come she did it?
the problem with 90% of men
When Skyler sent you all those texts about how lousy she felt for betraying you, you should have said: “Honey, go find a new boyfriend.” You don’t want her back, guy. She’s not true-blue loyal, don’t you get it? The problem with 90% of you guys is that every time a girl does something wrong, you resort to rationalization. You practically cry out: “Honey, I know you didn’t really mean it! Oh, please take me back!”
The question of who visits whom in this situation is not an issue. This girl is out. She’s gone. She's not into you. Like my cousin General Love says: “After you’ve been cheated on there’s no point in sitting down at the negotiation table and doing things right.” She’s been going out with you for three months and she kissed another man. And how do you know that’s all she did?
kick her to the curb
When a girl tells you that you have a right to end the relationship, it means you’re history. Because she’s really telling you that she’s burned out. No, don’t go and see Skyler. I know how wildly in love with her you are, my friend, but the man’s Interest Level means nothing -- it never does. All we care about is her Interest Level and her loyalty. Skyler’s not faithful, so she’s out. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: “Hasta la vista, baby!”
You might think you leave girls first, Abdul, but you didn’t do it this time did you? When it counted, you wimped out. Sure, it’s different with Skyler. It’s always different when your Interest Level is in the 80s and 90s.
Remember, guys: Once she shows she’s not loyal, she’s out.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?